Dear Ryan Seacrest,

You are a machine.  The world knows that you are a host that talks eloquently and straightforward, and never lets anything frustrate you, but you need to remember something.  Yes, you do work with a guy that believes that everyone is a “dog” and that the beginning of every song stinks, but it gets better as time goes on.  And you do work with a woman who is as normal as Michael Jackson on mushrooms and sports the vocabulary of my 6 year old nephew.  Not to mention a grumpy, mean talent finder.

But your problem is that that grumpy, mean talent finder is your boss.  He’s the guy who made you, Kelly Clarkson, Daughtry, and even William Hung very famous, and a whole lot of money.

So why do you constantly crack on the guy? Like tonight, when you rapped on him about his lack of intimacy and a few other blunders, is this a ploy to get more ratings, to get more laughs, or to get more people to like you better than him?  I can only guess that Simon’s talented mind has put you and Randy and Paula up to cracking on him throughout the show in order to create conflict, because the truth is, there is no doubt, that none of you would be anywhere near as popular as you are, if it were not for Simon Cowell.

Constantly my friends rant about how horrible he is to people and how tactless he is, and I wonder if they have seen how their fave celebs will be treated and criticized and used up by the media.  Is Simon really so bad, or is he really the only one preparing them for what their future may be anyway?

So Mr. Secrest, before you lay your head down on your pillow tonight, I think you should either pick up your telephone and call Simon right now, apologizing to him for mistreating him if you did it on your own, or thanking him for giving you a chance you may never have gotten, if he put you up to the “Simon Slams.”  Either way, American Idol would be another faded, washed up reality show without him.


Marty Holman

p.s.  I voted for David Cook tonight